Joining Red Cross : my letter of motivation

I am a student in Phelma Grenoble INP. I have been living in Grenoble for four years. If there is one thing you should understand about me, it is the fact that I had depression. I am still not sure whether I am totally cured or not for now, but I want to make sure I get rid of it. I had been wasting my own life. I used to be a drunkard and I am not proud of it. I feel sinful for wasting my own life and now I don't want the guilt to define the rest of my life. 

That's why I choose to be a volunteer, in the search for redemption. I want to regain my internal drive to live my best by doing something fulfilling. I want to make my contribution to the society, to contribute beyond myself. As a person, what I can do is limited. But as a group like Red Cross, more can be done in a more efficient way. I choose Red Cross because I believe Red Cross can provide the most efficient way, the right way to contribute for the society. Saying that deprived people need my help is not very correct. In fact, I would say I need Red Cross' help, to provide me a way to contribute to the society. 

Being depressed and going through a series of unfortunate events, now I could say I have a deep sense of empathy for those alienated from the society, for the deprived people. I know the feeling of not being fitted into the society and being an outcast. And that's my power, my greatest asset. I don't know what am I really good at, but I am sure that I am not suitable to do french tuition for children for now, because I had shut down myself so much that my level of french had degraded so much. For now, I would like to try out different other activities available, just to be sure what kind of work suit me the best.

I like the teamwork. Rigorous and attentive, I like the job done and I will do my best to meet the requirements. I remain at your disposal to arrange an interview date and provide you with any additional information you deem necessary.

Send the Buddha to the furthest of the West

There is one Chinese quote, 送佛送到西, which literally says sending the Buddha to the furthest of the West. It means finishing a task given and not giving up in the middle. But the quote is used in my family for another meaning. There is one unspoken rule that runs in my family. No matter how busy we are, we always find time to send the one who is leaving to somewhere considerably far away, to the train station, bus station, airport or wherever, to the furthest we can accompany him or her.  

It may seems like a simple thing to do, but it can be difficult to achieve sometimes. It is just a little thing, but it could mean so much. I am proud to say, my family never missed once to do so. One time, I even asked my parents to stay at home, there was no need to do so and not convenient for them to do so too. But they insisted. I never asked them why, because deep down I know very well why.

Nowadays, I have to travel alone most of the time. The most agonizing part isn't the fact of travelling alone. The agonizing part is to wait alone for the departure and arrive alone without anyone to meet up. Railway stations, bus stations and airports, are places of reunion and departure. All the hugging, all the tears of unwillingness to separate, all the laughter of joy... All are just so depressing if you are arriving or leaving, alone. Without anyone, especially your love one or the one you care the most, without a proper farewell at the station, whether railway or bus stations, or airport, is just unsettling and makes you feel shitty if you think about it. In fact, without a book or my phone to kill the time when I travel alone, I would probably die of sadness and boredom, and probably envy too, because I envy those with someone with them for the departure or arrival. And that's also the reason why I always try to arrive at the departure hall at exactly the departure time. 

So send your love one to the station, and go to the station yourself to greet them, give them a big hug, when they come back. Your love may not be particularly dignified or news-worthy, but be present for every moment you can,  to be with your love one.   

Rapture and Ayn Rand's Objectivism

My two newly ordered books just arrived 2 days before. I am really excited about it. They are the two masterpieces of Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. One cool fact about the author, Ayn Rand, is that she created a whole new philosophy on her own, named Objectivism. 

Oddly enough, I knew her through a Xbox360 game, Bioshock. I firstly watched the game review of Jeremy Jahns on youtube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSdzPSAobdI). The storyline is really interesting, and so I watched the whole serie of walkthrough of the game by TmarTn2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcMMgJytiL4). The game is very good in my opinion, eventhough I had never played the game and I don't think I will. The game has many references from the two books I mentioned and the setting is an underwater city founded on the philosophy of Objectivism, named Rapture. But the game kinda shows the danger of Objectivism. In short, all I mentioned above really got me interested and I felt I have to get to know Objectivism better, and so I hit the book.

The books, at the first impression, are huge in volume. One with 700 pages and another one with over a thousand pages, with compact paragraphs on each page. It is going to take me some time to be able to finish them both, especially both are books of ideas which require a lot of deep reflection. Honestly, this is probably the first time I read such a long fiction.

Actually before I started the book, I watched an interview with Ayn Rand herself about her new philosophy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ooKsv_SX4Y). About the video, eventhough I can understand why the host of the show is constantly arguing with her, but I still think the host is kinda rude. Objectivism, dealing with selfishness, against altruism and all, it is fundamentally against all my believes and my own set of philosophy, simply because I grew up in a society where altruism is told to be noble, and sacrifices are needed for the happiness of the collective, and because I believe love is the most powerful force in our world (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8DOy6gI9A0)

I don't believe in laisser-faire capitalism, which she strongly suggested. I strongly believe in love and faith and the power of emotions. I believe humans should be driven by both emotions and reasons, and not solely by reasons. From the interview, Ayn Rand seems to me like an emotionless, cruel human being, so as the protagonist in The Fountainhead, Howard Roark. The person I respect the most is her husband, for being able to fall in love with her, because I don't think I can accept the fact that she believes she fell for me for her own interest.

But I am still very interested in her philosophy, because I always think, one wants to see the whole picture, in this case the ultimate truth which I am still not sure what it means, one needs to see through all different points of view, the popular and socially well accepted ones, and also the unorthodox ones. That's why my next choice of book is probably also an unorthodox one, Mein Kumpf by Adolf Hitler.

Le Matin cover

艳阳不复返

列车缓缓驶向北，
我以墨镜遮热泪。
笑容挂脸挥挥手，
却挥不走，那离愁。

The departure of the Sun

Let me tell you about a girl I met. She is intelligent, and cute and hot at the same time. I'd never knew such combination can exist in our world, until I met her. Her hotness is beyond this world. The only explanation is to assume that she is really the Sun, then her hotness is justifiable. Her cuteness is her ultimate power, the one power I hope she will use sparingly in the future. In fact, her cuteness is not only about inspiring love and devotion. Her cuteness is the key to our hope, our ability to see beyond our own lifespan, to feel as if we are a part of a continuum that stretch back to the first self-replicating life form. She is charming too. She has a smile that makes u feel she is irresistibly prejudiced in your favor, to quote The Great Gatsby. Her radiant smile fortifies once again the assumption that she IS the Sun. She made me feel alive, as if I was standing on the top of the world. Her presence brought the ultimate happiness into my life, that everything afterwards savours of anticlimax. 

One day, she left. Her departure is extremely painful to me, but it is a kind of freedom too. Freedom is good in many ways, but in freedom, most people find sin and so as me. My sin is wasting my time waiting for an impossible, and probably unworthy dream. When she left, she left a huge wound in my heart, a wound that I haven't seek for anyone's help for the healing process. I believe as many people believe, Time will heal any wound. But now the question is, how serious a wound can Time heal, because sometimes a wound is paramount, that without any immediate treatment, you will bleed to death before Time can do anything to it. I want to talk about my sorrow, but sadly, the only person I want to talk to, about the lost of her, is her.

In the end, her departure isn't her fault, or anyone's. We live in this imperfect world, and so we are bounded by imperfections. She exists in our world, so she is inevitably bounded too. In fact, most bad people aren't bad in nature, they are just victims of circumstances, and so are we. She went to the north, far north. It is such a good news for the people of the north, since they have never seen the Sun before. Now the Sun is much closer to the north, I just hope she doesn't further melt the icebergs of the North-Pole. 

Now me as a human, I must embrace one of the greatest virtues of humanity -- adventurous. Instead of following wherever the Sun goes, I must now leave the original solar system, and search for another sun, another solar system. The emptiness and the vastness in between can be unbearable, but at the same time, it is exactly the vastness, assuring me that the possibility is unlimited, and my search and my effort won't be in vain. And this hope I must bear in my mind.