Vanessa: It's not about the artist's name or skill required. It's not even about the art itself. All that matters is how does it make you feel.
Kingpin: It makes me feel alone.
On the surface, Ad Astra seems like a space adventure movie featuring Brad Pitt, or at least that was the impression I got by watching the trailer. I guess I was expecting some hard sci-fi stuff, may be some alien stuff, or perhaps some grand message about humanity. In the end it gives me something else entirely. To me, it is gut-wrenching.
Jared from Wisecrack describes it the best. In the podcast "Show Me The Meaning" Ad Astra episode, he describes Ad Astra as the "anti-Interstellar", in the sense that it is going against what general audience is accustomed to when it comes to giant epic space movie, saying:
"Most space movies are, they are in space because it's a setting for big ideas. 2001: A Space Odessey, Instellar, these movies have grandiose ambitions into making you question about the meaning of life, humanity's place in the cosmos. I think this movie delibrately evades that."
It is very much about the personal journey of Brad Pitt's character - Roy McBride. Undoubtedly, it is a well-made film, impeccable cinematography, a feast for the eye. But it is also extremely slow paced. Action scenes are rare and far in between. If his journey doesn't resonate with you, then the movie is just not for you.
It is an understatement to say that I love Ad Astra. It is a very personal movie to me, so much so that I can see my reflection on the Roy character himself. The movie just makes me feel so emotional. When they say:
"I came to the realization out there, a voyage of exploration can be used for something as simple as escape."
Somehow this line makes me question if I am also doing the same - escaping, with all my alone time spent in the forests and mountains, running and hiking, pushing further and further my physical limits.
"The zero G and the extended duration of the journey is affecting me, both physically and mentally. I am alone. Something I always believed I preferred. But I confess, it’s wearing on me."
I guess I too must confess. The thing I am trying to escape is depression. All the sport really helps me to stay in orbit and not falling into the abyss of depression. While the "ghost" of Roy McBride is his relationship with this father, I think my "ghost" is about her and subsequent depressive episodes. And I think the only way to gain enough momentum to reach the escape velocity of the depression is to talk more overtly about my "ghost".
"You know, but when I look at that anger, and if I push it aside, and just put it away, all I see is hurt. I just see pain. I think it keeps me walled off, walled off from relationships and opening myself up, and, you know, really caring for someone. And I don’t know how to get past that. I don’t know how to get around that. And it worries me. And I don’t want to be that guy."
I don't want to be that guy either.
I am grateful that I watch it at the right timing of my life. Just like The Catcher In The Rye, I was crazy about it a few years back, but now I just find Holden Caufield angsty, grumpy, and annoying. It is still an important book to me, it just no longer resonates with me as much as it used to be. I wonder if ever I finally escape the grip of depression, I would still like this movie as much as now.
