Duty or dream?

When I posted a video, “Open door to solitude” (https://vimeo.com/86651195), my friend commented : is duty or dream more important? Honestly, I am not sure about the answer either.

In fact this very question haunted me once. It was when I was deeply depressed. My girl dumped me, my godmother diagnosed with terminal cancer and two of friends died in a tragic car accident, I was so lost at that time. I didn't see the point of continuing what I was doing, not sure of myself, of what was I to be. And it was during this time that a friend I had knew from travelling offered me a chance to go travel around the world on foot with him.

Travel around the world is my dream, and it still is. During that lowest low of my life and given this irresistible offer, I was so tempting of leaving everything behind, away from civilization and did what I had wanted the most, or at least what I felt like I needed the most for that moment – an urge of change, an urge of fresh air. But I am a student under government scholarship, I have a bond, a contract. If I abandon midway, I have to pay back the scholarship. And if I can't afford, my parents would have to pay the humongous debt.

If I was really that crazy and left for the my dream, it would be a disaster. I would drag my parents into my deep shit hole, and that is just irresponsible from my part. When to pursuit your own happiness means suffering for other people at the same time, that is just wrong. That is a cowardly escape from the real problem.

Sometimes you need the right moment to pursuit your dream at your fullest. For me, that moment was not the right moment. Now when I look at the update from my friend in the middle his tour around the world, I always wonder what would have happened if I chose to go with him. I feel no regret and I am just glad that I didn't go fully crazy at that time. I even feel proud of myself for my choice. Duty or dream? In this story, it should be responsibility first. For me, it is very simple and clear : my parents are my sole responsibility because of a simple fact – I owe them my life.