Alpsman

Suicidal morning

3am. Alarm goes off. Only one thought in my head : I seriously have no desire to race. My head is just not in the racing mode at all. In fact, I need to move back to Malaysia very soon. People are always afraid of change and so do I. By moving back to Malaysia, my life is uprooted. Anxiety about the future is inevitable. Plus moving is always a headache. Just so much stuff to think about and so much to sell or give away. I tend to give meaning to inanimate objects that I own. So losing stuff that I owned is heartbreaking, especially my two beloved bikes.

Unprepared mind is the worst when going into a long endurance race. I signed up for the race straight away after I got to know about the race in May without much thinking. My thought was : sign up first, plan later. I thought it could be a perfect ending for my stay in France and to my triathlon "career" since my first triathlon was also in Annecy. I initially thought it could be fun, but not recently anymore. In fact, all the training I did in September felt more like a job to me rather than enjoyment. 

The fact that this is the very first edition of Alpsman, there is no previous results to refer to nor testimony of how hard it is. There is just no way to visualize the course. All I know is the distance and the monstrous amount of climbing. 3.8k of swim which is supposed to be the easiest part, 183k of bike with a total of 4300m of climbing, and finally a marathon. There are also two finish lines : one is up at Semnoz for participants who manage to reach the 27k point of the marathon before 6pm to become Top Finisher ; and another one beside the Lake Annecy for everyone else to become Lake Finisher. That means to become Top Finisher, one has to do an extra 1300m of climbing on foot which makes a total of 5600m in the end! Just to put the cycling part of Alpsman into perspective, 183k of cycling with 4300m of climbing can already be crowned as the queen stage of a Tour de France!

I am number four.....forty six.

There are only 127 participants. I knew I was in deep shit when I lined up to get my bib. I saw all these triathletes with their super well-built body, and I mean all of them. Me ending up last is highly probable. I always try to avoid any motivational quote or the word "life" in my posts because I don't want to be too preachy. I put one only if my action matches up to the quote. For Alpsman I think I am allowed say : it is still a battle worth fighting even though it is a losing battle. It is absurd, I know. But I will be really sad if I never give it a try.

The struggle itself is enough to fill a man's heart. 

Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus

The longest swim of my life

5am. Transition area. Bike checked, wet suit on, and boarding the boat. In my mind, I run through the transition step by step. Even though, everything is set to go, I still think I miss out something. Nervous is common, especially you are under-prepared in front of a daunting challenge, and alone. 

The swim is going to start by jumping off the boat at the middle of the lake, imitating the swim start of Norseman. On board of the boat and a sea of darkness. The main concern of all participants is the visibility of the markers. There are supposed to be five illuminated cubes of 1.5m and plenty of buoys to guide us during the 3.8k swim. When the boat passes near by one of those cubes, everyone tries to get a glimpse at it. Troubled when I see it. The cube is just not as huge and as bright as I thought it would be.

5.45am. The moment of truth. Everybody lines up to jump into the lake. I am reluctant but there is no turning back. The water is announced at 18°C and pitch black. I have never seen Lake Annecy as terrifying before. People are fear of the unknown and this can't be more true at this moment. A leap of faith literally.

As normal, I stay behind the crowd to avoid the super competitive and chaotic front. 6am. sharp, the boat blows the horn. The race starts and a tough day ahead is promised. At first I try follow the crowd in front of me. But then athletes at the front take off so fast it becomes impossible for me to keep up with them anymore. At some point, I can see nobody anymore and my worry has become the reality : I can't see any marker at all. The cubes are blended together with the lampposts and lights from the villages around the lake, making things worst. There are supposed to be people on kayaks who are supposed to guide us but I can't see any of them either.

Left behind with no reference point, no idea where to head to, I have to take a guess, guess which light I think is the marker cube. Towards a chosen point, I swim and swim for what feels like an eternity, and yet I find nobody. I seriously think I am dead last and the organizer has forgotten about me. While I refuse to admit it, deep down I know I am lost. Six in the morning, the sun is not out yet. Lost in the middle of the lake alone, shore is at least a few kilometers away from me. It certainly feels like I am the sole survivor of a shipwreck. The longer I swim, it turns more and more into a matter of survival.

The only thing that can probably guide me is my vague mental image of the general shape of the lake. I know the lake is more or less an elongated rectangle. Judging by the silhouette of the lights alongside the lake, I think I know with some certainty where Annecy is more or less situated. My thought is if I continue swimming towards the direction of Annecy, I should pass by St. Jorioz where the swim is supposed to end.  

There, I continue to swim. The only thing I worry about the most is exhaustion. I don't have a watch, so I don't know how long I have been swimming. Finally a flash of hope as I meet another participant. What a relieve to know that I am not the last and I am not the only one who got lost. We have a short discussion, and together we head towards a light source that, again we are not sure if it is the right direction. The tricky thing is, even we find a buoy by chance, we still are not sure if it is a marker or random buoy on the lake. The light source turns out to be false beacon. Again?! At this point, I have already lost count of how many times I have changed direction.

Daybreak. At last I can see more and more swimmers and kayakers, and also the end - St. Jorioz. However, the wind picks up speed and the water surface becomes really rough, making the final 800m or so extra tough. When I get out of the water, my legs are so weak that I am not able to run. Although wetsuit is still on, long exposure in 18°C water and with the cold wind, I shiver my way into the transition zone.

The moment I see the time, devastation! I have used 2 hours and 15 mins for the swim! Under normal circumstances, I should complete the 3.8k swim within 90mins. Taking into account of all the directional changes, I must have at least swam 5k! This revelation is like receiving an uppercut by Mike Tyson, all hope is shattered. Sitting in the transition zone, I am just in a state of utter disbelief.

One participant has chosen to quit straight after the swim, which is very rare in any triathlon. Nevertheless, the other participants who came out of the water the same time as me keep pressing on. Seeing them, I press on too. I put on two layers as the heavy rain is coming very soon, judging by the angry clouds above all of us. I am the last one out of the transition zone as I am having trouble changing because of all the shivering.

Here starts the beginning of the end.

Etape du tour

In any regular grand tour, the cycling part of Alpsman would have been dubbed as the queen stage. Why? 183km with 4300m of total climbing, 5 mountain passes including one HC climb up to Semnoz and 4 category-two climbs. Broken by the unexpectedly strenuous swim, I am not looking forward to what lies ahead. The hope of finishing is very slim already but I press on. This is a rare character-defining opportunity, I keep telling myself. No matter what, I must at least show my determination so that when I go to sleep tonight, I can say to myself : I had tried.     

The last place is not a funny position to be in. It requires a totally different mental state. A van is following me as they needs to sweep the race course after everyone has passed through. Every pit stop I pass by, they are packing up while waiting for me. Although the organizers and the volunteers are very helpful and friendly, I can't help but to think that I am bogging them down, putting some sort of pressure onto myself.

The route to Col de Leschaux is relatively simple. The slope stays around 4 to 5%, allowing my legs and my body to warm up after the cold swim. I am surprised that I am still able to take over one participant. I am so happy that I am no longer the last one, lifting the pressure off myself. Unfortunately it is short-live. He quits soon after I overtakes him, says the driver of the sweeping van. I am the last one, again...

After that, here comes the HC climb of the day : Semnoz. It starts out easy and gradually becomes unforgiving. Slowly but never stop, by the time I reach the top, it is already around 11h30. It is rewarded by a breathtaking view. It is either Semnoz is really near Mont Blanc or Mont Blanc is really huge. When I turn my head around at the top and BOOM! Mont Blanc with its snowy coat suddenly appears and occupies three third of the view.

A long descent and a long flat later, at around 12h30, I reach Lescheraines pit stop. From here I need to do two 50k-laps, passing through Col de Plainpalais and Col de Pres twice. The idea of giving up is omnipresent ever since I got out of the water. Seeing many participants already doing their second lap, disappointed and exhausted, I stop there for quite a while, hesitating whether to quit. I know very well I won't be able to finish it, but I will regret it if I quit here. So again, I press on.

Riding up Col de Plainpalais, I finally know how strong the other participants really are. They are doing their second lap, yet still able to look fresher than me. Countless overtake me with relative ease. Not long after the climb, the awaited rain hits and it hits hard. While the rain is welcome during the ascend, it is extremely cold during the descent. Wet road surface, shivering, the descent is not fun at all.

Although they both are second-category climbs, the gradient of Col de Près is way more challenging. During the climb, the cold rain hitting my face, my head is down and I grind and grind. The cutoff time for the bike is pushed to 19h00, but there is still no way I can finish it in time. By the time I reach Col de Près, it is already over 15h00.

Perhaps it is just me or the temperature is really dropping. The continuous rain and wind hitting my face to the point that I can't feel it anymore. My shoes is soaking wet and my toes are non-existent. My gloves and my fingers are the same too. My whole body is basically shaking out of control. Steering the bike during the descent is becoming dangerously harder and harder. I am in the red zone for way too long by now, physically and mentally. The cold descent of Col de Près is the tipping point. The race finally breaks me. Finally, I tap out.

The road of giving up isn't easy either. Skipping the second lap and at the pit stop Le Châtelard, I am instructed to cycle back to the transition zone in St. Jorioz anyway. After deciding to quit, the mind is shut down and simply unwilling to pedal anymore. Although it is only a small climb back to Col de Leschaux, it feels like torturing. After that, again, I shiver all the way down back to St. Jorioz. Then I walk towards a referee and he gives out the word : number 46 has chosen to abandon the race.
   

"Number 46 has chosen to abandon the race, I repeat",
says referee.

The defeated pioneers

Back to the hotel. It is time to make peace with myself the fact that I didn't make it. It is always hard to deal with failure. Even I know for the fact that there are many participants who quit, even it is not my first failure, even I know I already did my best, it is still sad to see all the effort amounts to a "Did not Finish" (DNF). 

Like as said in Vsauce's video Mistakes : "Failure is like a carving on the bark of a tree. Overtime the scar won't go away ... but it won't get bigger. You however can keep growing... The wound won't get smaller but you can make it a smaller part of who you are." I guess it would be sadder if I never walked out of the hotel room and tried the race out this morning.

One can easily blame the organizer for the terrible swim course, or the bad weather. But honestly, I am unprepared and simply not tough enough to become Alpsman this time. Considering this is the first Alpsman, to some extend, the lack of experience on the part of the organizer is understandable. The final result : 34 top finishers, 51 lake finishers, 5 absences, 37 DNF. The winner did it in 12 hours 21 mins and the last finisher did it in 18 hours and 46 mins. Through my experience in multiple triathlon races, over 29% of DNF is huge. It just shows how ruthless that day was. For all finishers, I salute you, you earn the title Alpsman. And for everyone else who failed, we are still the pioneers of Alpsman. We failed but we failed under gruesome conditions of epic proportions. 

Ut4M 2016 : Second Chance

There I stood at the starting line of Ut4M for the second time. There weren't many moments in life like this. Months of preparation reduced down to this date. With the experience from last year, I had become way calmer facing it this time. With this kind of distance, I had to be serious about it. But at the same time, I knew I couldn't be too serious because the course could crush this kind of thinking. I had to be able to laugh at myself if ever I failed again. It was my biggest mistake last year to think that not finishing meant down to the loser road. Actually trying was already a win. So my personal goal this time wasn't to finish. It was to go beyond where I failed last year, and yeah, to better myself as the cliché said. It might seem simple enough, but I was still not sure if I could do it. In fact nothing was for sure. An injury, a sprained ankle, a bad weather, a weak moment. Something could always go wrong and it could mean an early end for me. The mountain always has the final say. Keeping a good attitude was the only thing I had control.

Vercors

19 August 2016, 169kms race started at 7h00 at Grenoble city centre. If Ut4M was a meal, it could be said that Vercors part was just the entree. St Nizier, Moucherotte, Lans en Vercors, Pic Saint Michel, Saint Paul de Varces, I got through all of them with relative ease, while taking my time eating and drinking at each pit stop available. The main challenge of the day was really the heat, reaching 35°C in the valley. I did a good job at hydrating myself but the heat really affected my stomach. I was having some minor problem chewing down food. Everything I ate just felt like stuck mid way and never reached the stomach. The urge to vomit was omnipresent throughout Vercors but I was still able to keep my digestive system together. Some of the participants were not so fortunate though. I saw some of them vomiting along the way.

I reached the first of the three main aid stations at Vif at around 15h00. Reaching Vif also marked the end of the Vercors part. And here came the surprise. My friend Thibaut came to Vif to show support. This year, I didn't ask anybody to come to the aid stations to support me. In fact, not many people actually knew about me doing it this year. Even if I told people about it, most people won't even comprehend the feat to which I challenged myself and the importance of moral support by simply be present at the aid stations. Thibaut's support really cheered me up. Able to chit-chat a little bit and share what I had been through during the course was mentally refreshing. At Vif, I took a cold bath, so physically also refreshed. I think it was after around 30 to 45 mins at the station, I left for the real deal of course - Oisans/Taillefer.

Oisans/Taillefer

Out of the four mountain ranges, I would consider Oisans/Taillefer to be the most difficult. When I left Vif, it was still the afternoon. So the heat was still an issue. Not long after I left Vif, I was already soaking wet from sweating again. Luckily, along the path from Vif all the way to Laffrey, there were many water fountains. This was the time my experience gave me an edge over those who didn't know what to expect from the course. I knew from last year experience that this part of the course was in lower altitude, thus it was going to be really hot. I also knew where exactly the water fountains were situated. So I was kinda moving fast from one fountain to another, kept thinking of the coldness of fountains to keep my spirit up and helped myself moved through to Laffrey. With the knowledge of the location of the water fountains, I also helped motivating other runners to get through this hottest part of the course.

I breezed by Saint Georges de Commiers. A hill and a forest later, I reached Laffrey at around 18h45. Comparing to my performance last year, I managed to reach Laffrey two and half hours earlier than last year. I also felt so much better than the me last year at Laffrey. Confident, I didn't stay there for too long. A hot soup and some food later, I moved on again. The climb to La Morte wasn't particularly difficult. It was just really long. When I reached La Morte, the sun set. 65kms in and almost 5000m of accumulated elevation gain, I still felt fresh. That was really a good news. I guess my hard work and training had paid off.

At this pit stop, Thibaut was there again and this time he brought along Cyprien. Cyprien was always the witty guy so talking to him was always cheerful. I was already going strong at this point. With their support, my confidence was boosted to another level. All that combined and came in at the right time because all that was needed to tackle to the highest point of the course - Pas de la Vache. Again a hot soup and some biscuits later, headlight on, long sleeves on, and I left.

The climb to Pas de la Vache, I was surprised that I got through it without too much difficulty. It was hard but I still managed to keep a single pace up until the peak without stopping. At the top, I was thinking of sitting down to enjoy the view, but the cold wind immediately deterred the thought. The descent to Lac Poursollet, I took it slow. At 2h30, I reached there. Here, the cold wind reminded me I was still in high mountain area. With the cold weather, I needed to keep moving to keep the machine turning and to keep myself warm.

A small climb to Plateau des Lacs and Pas de l'Enviou later, I reached Chalet de la Barrière. There they built a huge camp fire. It was so nice to sit around it, looking at the flame and enjoy a hot drink. After that it was the infamous long technical descent to Riouperoux. I took it really slow since I knew I was way ahead of time cutoff and I could actually achieve my goal which was to go beyond Riouperoux. The thing about steep descent wasn't only about avoiding injury but also keeping a good form so that the descent won't excessively fatigue and destroy my legs. So slowly but eventually I reached the bottom of the valley at Riouperoux, also the second main aid station. It marked the end of Oisans/Taillefer, also the midway point of the course. Once reached the station, I headed straight to sleeping room and slept for an hour. It had been 23 hours since the start of the run.

Belledonne

Traditionally, Riouperoux is the point where many runners will choose to abandon. I can totally understand why because I know it too well. Last year, this was also the point I chose to abandon. One doesn't have to run the course to know why. Standing deep at the bottom of the valley at Riouperoux, sandwiched in between Taillefer and Belledonne, you will wonder how the hell to climb up to either side. Each side is at least a kilometer of vertical rocky mountain range, enough to demoralize most runners.

I was one of them last year. But I was a different man this time around, stronger and wiser. At Riouperoux I really took my time, took a bath, had a good breakfast, etc.. However, not so wise move I did was to have an expresso. The expresso was thick and tasty but I would get to know the effect later on. After that, here started the second day, second part of the course, by a monstrous climb to Arselle - the vertical kilometer.

The first half an hour of the climb I was flying. But then the caffeine kicked in, my heart was beating unbelievably fast, and I was having some sort of hyperventilation. Normally I should easily finish the climb within one and a half hour, but I took me nearly 2 hours. The drumming heartbeat really worried me and I thought this was the end of the race for me. Luckily, everything calmed down and I found back my rhythm after reaching at Chamrousse.

The second day was the total contrast of the first day : rain and rain and rain. Although I was totally fine with the cold, the wet rocky surface really turned me down. At the same time, thick fog was forming throughout Belledonne. For security reason, the organizer decided to cancel the route to Refuge de Pra and the climb up Grand Colon. From Recoin Chamrousse, the route headed straight to Lac de Freydières. Less climb to do, but the distance was still more or less the same. Instead of passing through high mountainous route, we all headed into the forest path. It was 17kms of forest between Recoin and Lac de Freydières, it was so long, plus the fog reducing the visibility, this 17kms was so damn yawntastic. At the mean time, the rain just kept pouring. Also during this part of the course, I met a few others that I couldn't remember their name anymore. There was no obligation or anything to stick together. I guess we were the same level and had the same speed. So we were moving as a group for a really long time. From this point on, the run had became a team sport for us.

Thibaut came to Lac de Freydières to meet me again. Man! This guy, seriously! Came to see me for the third time! I really appreciate his presence. Most people might never understand how important moral support is to the runners during an ultra unless they themselves have participated in one. Seriously though, to him might seem like nothing. But to me, it means a lot.

The cold had been intensified by the continuous rain. Sitting in the pit stop of Freydières while holding a cup of hot soup, I could still feel a little chilly. We didn't rest for too long. Even though the third, the final aid station Saint Nazaire les Eymes was still quite far away, all it left to do until there was either descent or flat. It was worthier to move on faster from Freydière and take a longer rest in Saint Nazaire. So we moved on.

Soon later, the rain seemed to stop. Good news. But the mud it left behind, not so good. The mud turned the descent into borderline fun and misery. I tried to slide down like skiing, but since my legs were not in their top form and sports that required a lot of balancing had always been my Achilles heel. Sometimes I slid down successfully, sometimes not and had to regain my balance with my hands. After the descent, everybody was covered with mud from knee down. Those who had fallen, more mud stain for them.

10kms of flat land later, at 18h00 we reached St Nazaire aid station. The end of Belledonne. 35 hours into the race. The first thing I did - hot shower!!!

Chartreuse

The shower was really needed. Nothing was better than a hot shower, dry clothes and dry shoes without mud. Until this point I still haven't mention a word about the volunteers. What can I say, they were amazing. The conviviality they offered and their up-beat attitude had no doubt helped every runners to get through each of their low points. At the food station in St Nazaire aid station, I was taken care by two aunties. All I did was just sit down and they fetched me everything I wanted. They took care of me like how my grandma would. In fact, not only me got this kind of treatment, every runner was well looked after.

I was originally thinking of getting a massage. But I saw there was some queue for the massage while nobody at the kinésiotherapy line. I thought why not. I had never tried it before. So I went for a session of kiné. What the doctor did was actually a lot of stretching, and some sort of chiropractic care. The session was fun, I totally enjoy it. After that, I took 30 mins of nap.

I left at around 20h00, slightly earlier than the others in the group from Belledonne. I said Vercors was the entree, Oisans/Taillefer plus Belledonne was the main course, and Chartreuse was supposed to be the dessert. It was supposed to be easiest among four of them. But again the intermittent rain and the mud transformed the entire Chartreuse into hell. Mud was the theme of the night. While descending in mud can be fun, now imagine climbing up a muddy path. Every step I took, because of the mud, I slid two steps back. Some passages were straight out dangerous all because of the slippery mud. Seriously, one misstep could mean falling ten meters down. Mentally I had to stay sharp despite of sleep deprivation. Every step I had to be sure of the grip. It was not only physically exhausting, mentally I was also tested to my limit.

Even it flattened out a bit after Col de la Faïta, the mud was still there. In fact, it had worsen. It was the kind of mud in which you take a step, your foot sink in a little and stuck, and it actually needs some effort to pull your leg up to take another step. Shoes covered with mud was certain. I stumbled, I fell, for a few times. My legs and my arms were also covered with mud. During the whole night I just wanted to curse out loud out of frustration. The only thing that kept me going was the other runners. We were all taking it in together, suffered together. Even though everyone was in deep shit, but I knew the strength we all got was each other. Finally with Habert de Chamechaude in sight after what felt like hundreds of hours, I was relieved. The volunteers there were surprised seeing me without trekking poles. Only then I knew, in fact, the organizer had decided not to let any runners without poles out of St Nazaire aid station to tackle the Chartreuse massif at a few hours prior because of the muddy condition. I was lucky to be able to continue because I left St Nazaire just before the decision was taken.

Since the organizer also cancelled the climb up to Chamechaude, after Habert, it was all downhill all the way to Sappey. Sliding down the mud started again. If I really need to pick out my lowest point of the race, this should be it. It was the moment I kept asking myself why I did the race, why I did this to myself. I was frustrated, frustrated because I knew this part of route well and I just wanted to move faster to end all this quickly but I couldn't. I rushed and I fell. Some sort of hallucination also kicked in. Everytime I shone my headlamp onto the fluorescent bands along the route I thought I saw somebody and I wanted to greet him. Sleep deprivation had seriously blurred my vision and my judgement, slowed me further down. 8 hours! 8 hours just to go from St Nazaire to Sappey!

Reaching Sappey, all my strength was sucked out. I found a chair and like a puppet with all the strings suddenly cut off, whole body just collapsed on the chair. My desire to continue was dropped to almost zero. If mud got a face, I would seriously punch it. Angry yet disappointed because the mud had broken me, defeated me. The mud had became the demon, nudging me to quit. But not like this. "Not like this!" I said to myself. I won't leave all the previous effort, a total of 40 plus hours to go in vain. I knew this was the mental game now. I dropped my head on a table to take a nap, hoped to regain some physical strength to fight the demon until the end. I set the alarm for a 30min sleep, and surprisingly I woke up later by myself before the alarm went off. It was as if my mind was subconsciously telling me I still got some unfinished business to take care of.

At 5h00, I left to tackle the final climb of the course - Fort Saint Eynard. At last luck seemed to be back at my side, the mud had lessened to basically non-existent. At Fort St Eynard, the Sun rose. It just felt so good to see the Sun again. I knew I could reach the finish line in time now. However, hours of uphill and downhill had finally taken a toll on my right knee. Basically my knee hurt so much if I tried to rush downhill.

Col de Vence, Mont Jalla, and then Bastille. Walking the final few kilometers through Grenoble old town area, it was glorious and at the same time I was glad that I was back to flat land, back to civilization. It was early Sunday morning, not many pedestrians in the city. I wondered may be this was how soldiers felt when they came home after fighting wars unknown to many. Many were still cozy in their bed and I just finished a 50 hours race. That thought gave me chill. The final few hundred meters, despite my knee, I still made the effort to run, to the finish line. 160kms, almost 10000m of elevation gain, 50 hours and 36 mins later, at exactly 9h36, Sauron was destroyed. It was done.

It is done.

Epilogue

It would almost be a tragedy if no one was there at the finish line for me. Yet, this was the case for some runners. Lucky for me, I got someone. Guess who, it was Thibaut again! At the finish line, he fetched me a beer, the beer of celebration. For this race, I had kept myself away from alcohol for several weeks. It felt so good to taste beer again even though it was nine in the morning. This beer has gone down in history as the most delicious beer I have ever drink.

We were sitting outside of Palais des Sports. Holding my beer, with mud all over my legs, my body fully extended and relaxed. The world around me seemed perfect. The softness of the sunlight, the warm air touching my skin, the quietness of Sunday morning. I had so much to tell Thibaut about the adventure, and being a good sport, he listened attentively. I felt like I could die there and I would have no regret. I truly believe that heaven isn't some place one can go to. It is how you feel for a moment in your life when you are in harmony with your surrounding.

That's why heaven won't last forever. That's why reality is cruel. I thought I could finally sleep well after race but no. I woke up at five the next morning, thinking that I was still in the race. My mind was still in the restless state and I still hadn't pulled myself out of it. Paradoxically, part of me wished that the race was still going on. It was something so difficult to achieve, the process was so long, that once I reached the finish line, I felt lost and didn't know what to do. That morning, I had to actually sit down for a long period of silence looking out at the mountains, to convince myself that it was OK to let my guard down now and the race was finished already.  

Chessy to say but I guess life goes on. A goal, two years of pursuit, failure the first time, seizing the opportunity the second time. My Ut4M story has been a good story but now it needs a closure. The search for the next heavenly moment begins.

Special thanks to

Thibaut, Cyprien, and Louis

 

Eye of the Tiger moment

Last Wednesday at work, my computer was running the third batch of simulations. Since it was gonna take at least two days to finish and the GPU was used full time at full capacity for the simulations, my computer became too laggy to work on. So I thought it was the best time "back to the drawing board" to work on a problem left aside for quite some time. The problem was basically like this : two different approaches, two different sets of formulas, to solve the same equation. At first glance, both were expected to give slightly different results. But surprisingly they gave the same result. And when compared to the results of experiments, they all fits perfectly. It was good news. It meant both approaches were valid. However that was still the question : how come? There must be some kind of link in between them but what was the link? 

I called on my supervisor and another researcher familiar with the domain to figure out the answer together. After listing out formulas of both approaches, we were staring at the white board, very little discussion, mostly silence. This was probably my first "Eye of the Tiger" moment. It wasn't the first time I stared at a bunch of equations for an extended period of time. But this was the first time I was in a group staring at equations on a white board together for a long time. For those who don't get what I mean by the "Eye of the Tiger" moment, it is originated from the episode 4 of season 3 of The Big Bang Theory. It was pretty cool came to think about it. I felt like a real scientist. Hahahahaha! 

mindblown !

The joy of solving maths problem is so gratifying. Although it wasn't me who made the critical step to find the link between the two approaches, I was so happy to see the answer unfolded with my own eyes. The critical step always seems so trivial once you know about it. It is like finding a bug in thousands lines of code but more. The elegance of the solution of a maths problem never ceases to amaze me. After we checked every steps, mindblown moment ensued. I so wanted to jump for joy but I told myself : act cool, just smile and act cool. I didn't want to feel like an idiot. 

the trifactor of college life

The elegance quality of maths is exactly why I love maths. I was lucky to have discovered through reading a lot more than the maths taught in primary and secondary school, to be able to see a bigger picture throughout my early school life. Maths problem solving is just like any other skill, it can be trained. The "Eye of the Tiger" moment in the lab reminds me of my time in la prépa, aka Classe Préparatoire aux Grandes Ecoles (CPGE) in France. There is a pseudo-theory about the triangle of choices (social life, good grades, and enough sleep) of life in college floating around on the internet. Well I had chosen good grades and enough sleep. Seriously, I was a freak during that time. Study, eat, and sleep, nothing else. I admit I should have gone out more and balanced the triangle better. The upside of this unhealthy lifestyle is, my maths problem solving skill was trained to its peak.

In prépa, especially prépa scientifique, I had to study unreasonable amount of maths and the maths were unlike anything I had learnt back in Malaysia. During primary and secondary school, it was all about memorizing some established formulas and applying them appropriately. But in prépa, it was all about axioms, conjectures, hypothesis, demonstrations, and theorems after theorems, basically maths in its pure form. The paradigm shift was hard. But once I got through the beginning of the learning curve and tonnes of effort afterwards, a whole new world was opened to me. I was so on point in maths, my maths sense was so sharp like a tiger. Intuition and ideas just kept flowing in like Niagara falls, abundantly and rapidly. Whenever other students in prépa started a conversation about their hate on maths, honestly I couldn't join them. I genuinely enjoy the process of maths problem solving.

Just like a knife, every skill needs training to stay sharp. Now no longer am I a study freak, so sometimes I am quite sloppy with my maths. But I still love maths. The time in prépa not only cemented my love for maths, but also let me understand the essence of maths. I saw a comment in a reddit post summing it up quite well. To quote : "Maths is invented and has nothing to do with the outside universe. It is a playground of human abstraction and critical thinking, and is at best inspired by the things we see around us." In maths, we can invent any concept as long as it stays consistent and doesn't create contradiction. Vsauce in his video : How to count past infinity, explains this process very well.

During the first class on complex numbers, I once asked the teacher what are the uses of complex numbers. He paused for a moment and then answered with his heavy French accent : "Just for fun !" The whole class burst out laughing. After that in a more serious tone, he explained a few examples of application. But now come to think about it, "just for fun" is actually the correct answer. The unreasonable effectiveness of mathematics in natural sciences may just be a coincidence, says Eugene Wigner. Maths is a playground of human mind and logic. So let's do maths just for fun !

Namewee's Amoi²

Amoi² aims to be the next famous female pop group in the Asia-Pacific area. Started as a small project between RedPeople and Namewee, set up to create a Malaysian version (Amoi² - Little Apple) of the Chinese song "Little Apple" (筷子兄弟 - 小苹果). The Malaysian version has gained quite some popularity and also some criticisms from the internet like "apple is not a local fruit of Malaysia" and "Malaysia is a tropical country and the season spring is nonexistent". Here I just would like to remind Namewee that he himself had also made the same criticism on Malaysian Chinese New Year (CNY) songs which keep cheering for the arrival of spring (2010 CNY song by Namewee).  And I quote : "...什么冬天春天，你把我当作 kongkam？! 这里除了下雨，我每天热到 bueh tahan。你还来跟我乱乱唱，我听了西北赌懒!" (...What winter what spring, you think I'm an idiot?! Except some occasional rain, I just can't stand the everyday heat. And here you still sing about this bullshit, it just makes me so furious!). 

I know that those criticisms are just some trolls and not constructive. Personally, I like all the songs made and sang by Namewee himself, but I have mixed feelings about the songs he made for RedPeople and Amoi²'s Little Apple is one of them. Perhaps RedPeople to me just seem like a bunch of teenagers looking for fame. At the same time, fame may just be a word so demonized by today's society. May be the search for fame is just a part of human nature as Tessa Violet put it. Anyway, based on the popularity of the song, they decided to add new members into the group through a series of selections of participants from both Malaysia and Taiwan. And now, it has developed into sort of a TV reality show (Amoi² Contest). With a bit of scandal and drama, it is not bad at all as a reality show, I only wish each episode could be longer. 

Talking about pop groups, nobody in the world can beat the South Koreans right now. They are producing groups and pumping out songs faster than a factory can produce cars. I already long lost count of the K-pop groups after Super Juniors and Girls' Generation. Before them, I only knew that the Koreans were god-like in StarCraft and they had Samsung. After the K-pop boom since 2009/10, especially after the Gangnam Style, K-pop has become an unstoppable force.

But why it has to be groups and not individuals? And why the groups have to be so large? The first thing that comes into mind is Barney's Cheerleader effect. In the TV series How I Met Your Mother, the character Barney Stinson came up with this term which says we might find the individuals more attractive when they are in a group. What surprises me is that there are actually experts like Walker-Vul 2014 and Yuko Ojiro 2015, doing scientific studies on the subject but so far they show no convincing results. Seriously though, I never take any studies in the field of psychology seriously. The so called the "half life of knowledge" in psychology is only five years. It always seems to me so easy to publish scientific papers in psychology, to a point that it is just unfair. The titles of papers in psychology already have the edge. If I publish a paper entitled "The approximate resolution of the radiative transfer equation in a multi-layered diffusive biological medium", only a selective niche of scientists would be interested. But a paper with a title "Cheerleader effect" and quotes Barney Stinson in the introduction, whoever has watched HIMYM is instantly hooked and already know what the paper is all about.

Of course, it is not only the cheerleader effect that comes into play. On the same line with cheerleader effect, some say that the group also serves to cover up the general lack of talent of its members (Quora : Why are K-pop groups so large?). Some also say every member has his or her own unique personality and beauty that attracts different group of audience and so in a group, they can engross a bigger number of audience. That I tend to agree. When I was the right age as the target audience of female teenage groups, I use to follow the Taiwanese group Hey Girl. The group was the result of the TV show, Blackie's Teenage Club. I can't say I like the group or their songs per se, and honestly, I found some members of the group quite annoying. But still I used to watch the show quite often. The reason got to be to see one of its member - Xiao Xun (小薰) on screen. I used to find myself skipping through most of the runtime of the show but sat down attentively whenever she got the screentime.

Nowadays, I am not even sure whether the argument of uniqueness of each member still applies to the female K-pop groups. Often with the rumour of plastic surgery involved, their looks are as derivative as their songs. Westerners sometimes have problem telling Asian faces apart, just as Asians have problem telling Western faces apart, it is not racist, it is totally normal. But seriously though, even I as an Asian am having trouble telling each member in a K-pop group apart. And finally, of course, there is also the criticism of using not-so-subtle sex appeal among K-pop groups nowadays. But that I guess is just a technique that seems to work so well in any pop music. The most recent examples have to be Kanye West's Famous and Nicki Minaj's Anaconda.

Finally, there is the question why Namewee is interested in creating a female pop group. Even though Namewee can now be considered a pop singer and pop songs producer, his songs still preserve either the sarcastic and humourous quality, or close-to-heart emotions. His songs are considered as pop songs but I would say they are out-of-norm type of popular. That's why I like his songs. But now he wants to create a pop group full of cliché of a pop group? Plus since the market is so saturated by the Koreans, even I have serious doubt on the success of the emerging group, and he is still putting effort into it? My guess is, it is one of his experiments, in order to become a well rounded music producer.

The hipster part of me kinda looks down on his choice to create a typical female pop group. Hipsters have always being known to complain about anything mainstream and popular. The same goes for pop songs. They have been criticized to be too similar to one another. It seems as if music producers are getting lazy and giving up at creating diversity. I especially like how Vsauce in the episode Juvenoia explains why it has becoming the case : "Perhaps pop music producers are simply getting better at scratching the specific itch they are challenged to scratch." It may seem like there is a fixed formula to create pop songs, and may be there is also a fixed formula to create a pop group. I know Namewee can be quirky and defiant in his music, that I have no doubt. But to be well rounded, he needs to prove he can follow the norm too. I think Namewee is doing exact that. He is learning and practicing to scratch the itch.   

AI has a bad rap

I seriously think that we are not far away from the creation of a true artificial intelligence (AI). The success of Alphago had sparked my interest in the subject of AI. I have been watching many videos and reading books related to the topic. The most recent and the most hyped method to implement a general purpose AI is machine learning. Personally, my knowledge on machine learning is limited to what I had learned in school and knowledge is not understanding. But from what I understand from Deepmind's explanation on Alphago, it seems really promising to me. With that said, there is the question : should we be worry about AI?

Nowadays, we can all agree that there is no lacking of fear of an evil AI overthrowing the human race. Ever since Hal 9000 in 2001 : A Space Odyssey, AI has been equivalent to evil in the mindset of many people. Plus the popularity of the Terminator saga, it has done nothing but further damaging AI's reputation. Back in March this year when Alphago beat Lee Sedol, almost every news article written about it, started with a mention of the Skynet or T-800 robot. In fact, I myself had done the same in my entry on the subject matter. It is silly. At the same time, it also says so much about how the general public perceives AI.  

Not only Terminator, in fact there is a long list of Hollywood movies in which the AI becomes the antagonist (spoiler!). Alien, Prometheus, Matrix, I. Robot, Age of Ultron, Resident Evil, ..., the list just goes on and on. Personally, the idea of AI being evil is so deep in my subconscious that it sometimes ruins my movie-going experience. Watching movies with an AI character, such as Interstellar and Moon, I just keep waiting for the AI to turn the table. Even though they are not evil until the end, I still suspect a secret plan or something malicious that I miss out.

On the other hand, it doesn't mean that we can be fully optimistic about AI either. Any technology is a two-edged sword. Nick Bostrom compares true AI with nuclear energy (What happens when our computers get smarter than we are). Nuclear energy is used to power our world but it can also destroy it in a blink of an eye. In some sense, a true AI can be more dangerous than nuclear energy since it can become way more powerful than we could imagine. Elon Musk even said AI researches were like summoning the demon. Bill Gates and Stephen Hawking also more or less share the same view. They are not against the AI. What they say is we should be extremely careful (Elon Musk and Bill Gates on AI).

Following the same logic, I would prefer to compare the creation of a true AI to fire, one of the first technologies of human race. Fire had propelled the human progress but it is also a dangerous tool. The saying of "playing with fire" is there for a reason. I believe true AI will bring the same level of paradigm shift as fire, in terms of the contribution to human progress. Regarding AI, we shouldn't be overly worry to the level of hysteria. Like ColdFusion (DeepMind Explained), we should be cautiously optimistic.

Many Ironman but there will be only a few Alpsman

Ironman, not Robert Downey Jr. Ironman. Ironman is a distance. 3.8km swim, 180km bike, and a 42km marathon. Ever since I got into the sport of triathlon, completing an Ironman has been one of the goals in my list. As the sport gets more and more famous, unfortunately Ironman has also become a brand. There are many Ironman-branded triathlons all around the world but the participation fee of anyone of them is so expensive. Even you don't mind the price, getting a ticket is still so difficult simply because Ironman is so famous and many people want a piece of it. The two Ironman triathlons nearest to me are the one in Nice and Zurich. Two years ago, I had tried to register for the one in Nice. Even though it was still November and the race would be in June the next year, the race was sold out! 

That little incident of Ironman Nice had me realized just how mainstream the Ironman has become. It is a good thing that more and more people are doing triathlon but I myself am a bit hipster-ish. I tend to avoid anything mainstream. If more and more people are becoming Ironman, then no one is. I want something unique. Unable to register for Ironman Nice, I was forced to search for other non Ironman-branded triathlons. It was the year I did Triathlon Alpe d'Huez. 

In fact, there are some little known, non Ironman-branded, Ironman-distance triathlons. Norseman, Swissman, Embrunman, etc, all these races are way harder than most Ironman branded triathlons. They are called extreme triathlons for many reasons. Norseman got the coldest water to swim in and it finishes off with a footrace to a mountain summit. And it is an unsupported race, that means participants got to have their own support team for food and refill along the course. Swissman is deep in the Alps where the weather can change so quickly, passing by some mountain passes where sometimes there will be snow, and also a summit finish marathon. Embrunman is also characterized by its super hard bike route passing by Col d'Izoard. A Norseman participant commented on Ironman-branded triathlons quite harshly, saying : "... where as an Ironman is just a parade where people are just cheering and clapping." (Isklar Norseman 2014)

I tend to agree too. I would even argue that Triathlon Alpe d'Huez is already at the same level of difficulty as an ordinary Ironman. Watching NBC coverage of Ironman World Championship of Kona now, it does give me the impression of a lot of cheering and clapping. They used to inspire me but now, sadly but honestly, I kinda despise these exaggerated documentaries. Retrospectively, I know I have grown and I no longer see an Ironman as a challenge. My goal has changed. My goal is turning towards an extreme triathlon.

The reason that I haven't done a triathlon since Alpe d'Huez is because all the extreme triathlons I mentioned just now are quite far away from where I stay. Ever since Alpe d'Huez, I have been working towards another goal in my list -- completing an ultra trail, Ut4M more specifically. In August this year, I will give a try again. May be it is the cliche destiny. By chance, there will be a new extreme triathlon called Alpsman coming up this year October (Alpsman -Teaser). It will be held in Lake Annecy, a lake in my neighborhood and it is also the place where I did my very first triathlon. I would say the course is quite similar to Norseman with the swim starts off by jumping off the boat into the middle of the lake and summit finish marathon. Alpsman is calling out to me and I answer the call! 

Preparing for ultra trail gives me more than enough mental strength to do Alpsman. Plus I will have a full month of free time in September to train. While I am still not so sure about completing Ut4M, my confidence is very high with Alpsman. It feels so good to go back to triathlon again. With the Ut4M, I am so damn excited for the coming months.  

  

Critical thinking

John Oliver does it again ! I have always been a fan of the Last Week Tonight show, a show that uses humour to bring people's attention on important and yet neglected issues. Sometimes the show can be quite boring for people outside of the States though because the issue discussed is about some problems in the States and the inside jokes just won't work. However the latest episode (Scientific studies) is certainly about something I think everyone needs to know and it is an issue that I experienced first hand very recently : the validity of scientific studies.

About a month ago, I was trying validate my Monte Carlo simulations with an analytic resolution of the equation of radiative transfer proposed by a scientific paper. I simulated some of the cases studied in the paper and tried to recreate some experiments, but I never got what it was stated in the paper. During two weeks I tried and tried, kept thinking that there must be something wrong in my model. That was the most frustrated two weeks of my life. In the end, I presented everything that was not working and my supervisor told me to forget about it, deciding that the results of the paper might be a fluke. That was seriously a wake up call for me. Not even published scientific papers are reliable enough to be taken as truth, not at least they have gone through multiple replication studies.

I am frustrated because it wasted two weeks of my time. On the other hand, I also feel I am so fortunate to have initiated the building of a critical mindset towards scientific studies. With a standardized structure in PDF format, a title jammed with complicated words, multiple graphs, and a long list of references to other papers, each with again, a title jammed with complicated words, it is just not in an untrained person's common sense to be skeptical about the scientific papers. 

me watching TV news

Critical thinking and skepticism are really important in doing science. In fact, it is also an important attitude regarding information circulating on the internet and news broadcasted by the mass media. I rarely watch TV. But during the February of this year, I was back in Malaysia and I had watched some TV news. The lack of accuracy, emotional manipulative title, and the lack of integrity, what is deemed news-worthy just make me facepalm. The same can also be said with the stuff shared on the social media. Like click-baits and top 10 lists, TV news is also under the pressure of viewership. What is wrong about the news is already been said and said again by many people like IHE (I hate the news) and the School of Life (Craziness of the daily news).

By knowing the pressure they are under, sometimes I do empathize with the news shows. But as the viewers, it is our responsibility to filter the information they tell us. When it comes to be critical, I think nobody can beat the French people. In the land where it gave us Voltaire and René Descartes with his famous quote : "I think therefore I am", critical thinking is embedded in their culture. I might be wrong, but in my circle of connections, it does feel like it is true. They even have a news network named Gorafi pumping out fake news everyday, to serve as a satirical look at the state of news broadcasting in general. 

False news is just rumour, and rumour can catch on like wild fire if we are not careful. One example is the Summer of the Shark in 2001 before the 911 attack. What this event teaches us is, what the media chooses to focus on can have a serious influence on our view of the world. I have to admit that it is difficult to filter the information fed to us. I personally wasn't as skeptical to the news as me now. The Kony 2012 was the turning point for me. Ever since I have been trying my best, to be critical towards news and some random "facts" found on the internet.

Just like CGP Grey said : "It's your brain, be hygienic with it."  (This video will make your angry)

The Ring finds its owner

The recent video of Chris Stuckmann (Blockbuster Video - Retro Rewind) on Blockbuster gets me nostalgic, particularly nostalgic about the times when seeing a book in a bookstore that I liked a lot but never got the money to buy it. But the time has changed. I buy most of my books online instead of bookstores, simply because often I get cheaper books online and also the recommendation algorithm always gives me good choices. With the increasing popularity of e-books, it is sad to say but it looks like bookstore is suffering the same fate as Blockbuster.

About the choice between an e-book and a physical book, I always find myself conflicted. On one side as the world is going green and discouraging printing, e-book is a really good idea. With the technology of e-ink and paper screen, brands like Kindle already reach the level that the page display and illumination and can mimic perfectly the text on a real book. I personally tried out an e-book before and it was quite pleasant to read on it. Another advantage of e-book is storage space. Hundreds even thousands of books can be stored in one single e-book. The need of shelf is pointless.

May be that is the thing lacking about e-book. The fact that physical book is physical, it gives weight to what I am reading and a sense of achievement after I finish it. For me, books is also a hobby of collecting. Sometimes I just like to stand in front of my book shelf and admiring all the books and the knowledge that have become a part of me. Not to mention the smell of new books, as well as the wear and tear on old books from countless reading, or the stains that one time when you accidentally pour your coffee onto. These are the tangible stuff you add to your books, transforming each book into something personal, an unique personal story.

Going to a bookstore and buy a book there is also part of these tangible stuff. I particularly like how NerdWriter describes the way we stumble upon a book we like in a bookstore (Vlog #21 - Bookstores). "Sometimes a book like a magic ring can find you", to quote. Like how the one Ring to rule them all found Frodo, the book "The World Until Yesterday" found me one afternoon.

That day, I was practicing driving. There was one spiral road up to the car park in this one shopping mall that was infamously steep. So my sister challenged me to test that out and check in at the Starbucks in the shopping mall for her to see. While heading to the Starbucks, a bookstore stopped me and there was the book. I saw it was a book by Jared Diamond, also the author of "Guns, Germs and Steel". Then, I bought the book before I knew it.

The moment I sat down in Starbucks unwrapping the plastics cover from the book is also the moment I realized nobody would order an espresso in a Starbucks. The waitress was kinda unsure when I asked for an espresso. Come to think about it, her reaction is justifiable. The whole Starbucks culture consists of ordering an elaborate combination of coffee, chocolate, cream, and spices, and then have a sit chit-chatting, or browsing your phones, or doing some serious work on laptop, ideally a Mac, or pretending to do be a writer searching for inspiration. An espresso is compact, rushing, and contradicts all of the above.

My thought on Starbucks and espresso is totally unrelated to the topic of books and bookstores. But that is also the point I want to make. For me, this story about ordering espresso have become a part of the book "The World Until Yesterday". The point is, the story of how one stumbles upon a book in a bookstore is also something to be valued. This is exactly what e-books or buying book online cannot offer.



  

   

Go Monte Carlo

Skynet may not be too far from becoming a reality, I guess? Last month, the computer program AlphaGo beat Lee Sedol, a professional 9-dan Go player, in a non-handicapped Go match.  I am not sure whether he is the best human Go player ever, but he is definitely regarded as the world champion at the moment. For a computer program to win against the best of us, it is definitely a milestone in AI research after Watson and Deep Blue. Although I didn't know how to play Go before the event, I did know some basics because I used to be quite good in a lesser version of Go : Dian Dian Qi (點點棋). To put it simply, it is Go without the area scoring and focus only on capturing. And we play with pens on paper instead of stones on board. I try to find the official rules but nothing found.  

I know this entry is kinda late compared to other news articles about the epic Go match-up. But I like to watch the match-up before I say anything about it. So I did it through several weekends. Yes, I said weekendS! Each of the 5 games is so long, each one lasts like around 4 hours. In fact, it is normal for a Go game to last very long. In ancient times, some games might even last beyond several days. Of course, I didn't sat down in front of computer watching all 5 games. I only kinda watched the first, the fourth and fifth game. Most of the time, I just let the video play at the background and I did something else. All 5 games and corresponding summary videos can be found on the DeepMind Youtube channel (DeepMind). I already expected AlphaGo to win before I watched the match. Anyway, I am glad that Lee Sedol was still able to win a game out of five. 

So why all the fuss and news reports about this event? If you pays attention, then you will know that it is all about creating a general purpose AI (artificial intelligence). The victory of AlphaGo indicates that we are heading to that direction. However, it is just a rung on the ladder, as the CEO of DeepMind, Demis Hassabis says. Two keywords basically sum up what AlphaGo is : Monte Carlo tree search and deep learning. Monte Carlo (MC) method is actually a broad term to all algorithms which use statistical approach and random sampling to solve a problem. As for now, I am really into MC method as I am currently working on one : MC for photon transport. MC method is powerful tool to accurately solve a lot of different problems, providing the random generator is of good quality and sufficiently large amount of random samples. 

Large amount of samples and especially deep learning, require certainly a lot of computing power, if you want solution to the problem in a reasonable limit of time. That's why my work in CEA Grenoble now is focusing mainly on accelerating the MC program by using GPUs. Last week Nvidia launched the new Tesla P100 GPU model and the DGX-1 supercomputer. Even though I know that there is no way that I can get my hand on a Tesla P100 shortly, I got to admit, the news really got me excited. But we need to keep a cool head, the real performance and applicability of this new generation of GPU still needs to be tested with time.     

  

Hulk D'Onofrio

I have just finished two seasons of Daredevil TV series and now I can't get enough of it. Nobody can resist comparing both seasons. Some think season 2 isn't as great, some think otherwise and I am on the lather side. Although Elektra's story is a little weak, Punisher's makes up for it. Talking about violence, this show really goes for it, like seriously. There were a couple of scenes where I was like : Holy Shit! If you think Daredevil can take a beating, you probably haven't seen Punisher yet. Punisher is a great character. I actually love him more than Daredevil now. However no matter how great Punisher is, he cannot beat the King, the Kingpin Wilson Fisk.

Wilson Fisk in Netflix's Daredevil

Wilson Fisk is someone I don't to be near with. I don't want to be in the same room, not even the same city with him. Not only he physically daunting, his mere aura is already able to kill people. I started the series knowing that he was the villain and it was going to be violent, but still I was not prepared for what was going to happen. The first time he hulked out, my jaw dropped : he freaking bashed the head of a man with a car door until the head was no longer attached to the body!

Even though he is not heavily featured in season two, but whatever scene he is in, he owns it like a boss. When he is not on screen, he will somehow still be there to mess up your mind. Forget about ninjas, what Daredevil should fear the most is Wilson Fisk at the end of the season. His deadly claw is already choking the city before the Hand. Whenever Daredevil is facing the ninjas, I never think that he is going to die. At most he will just be gravely injured. But when facing Wilson Fisk, I seriously think he might have a great chance to end up dead.

The main reason Wilson Fisk becomes such a dangerously likable character got to be the actor - Vincent D'Onofrio. Donofrio, donofrio, funny it sounds so much like doughnut frio, a fried doughnut or a frozen doughnut. May be it is just me. Anyway, after a few episodes in, I found him strangely familiar. Research surprised me. He is the fat guy who got bullied in Full Metal Jacket, the cockroach alien in MIB, and also the mental serial killer in the Cell. Each of these characters is so memorable that I am surprised how he is still only a moderately famous actor. He as Wilson Fisk is again very fascinating. I can't wait to for season 3 and more of him.

Vincent D'Onofrio as Leonard Lawrence in Full Metal Jacket 

I guess everyone should be familiar with this one : the cockroach alien in MIB

The character Carl Stargher in The Cell. This movie haunted me when I was young.

      

Coffeemania?

I don't know how café has became such a trend in Malaysia. Everyday I open up Facebook, there always be people posting pictures of them with their coffee and often enough a dessert too. I don't know about the real statistics, but in Penang alone, it feels like the number of café is approaching the number of mamak stalls.

A normal café would just be lame. Not only the quality of the café, people in Penang also need the dessert, the ambiance, and most importantly, something worth taking picture. Latte art and extravagant desserts are almost a must. To open a café in Penang, to beat the king of café Starbucks itself, you have to be creative and you need a theme. Bicycle themed café, cat themed café, Parisienne, cardboard themed, etc.. In fact, you can find all these themed café in Penang island alone. I just wonder, there must be people trying very hard to think of a theme nobody did before, because I am wondering about it too. But seriously this is market so saturated that I don't think it is worth thinking about. One of my close friends owns a café too. From his café I can sense the result of highly competitive market.

This café market kinda reminds me of the product life cycle and it is in the mature state right now. This trend also reminds me of the pub/lounge trend. A few years ago in Penang, pubs and lounges were raising like the bamboo shoots after the rain except there was no rain and it all happened all of a sudden. And then the trend hit the peak and died out.

I don't know whether this café craze is just a phase. Part of me, I want it to die out sooner if it is the trend I thought it to be. I am just upset with the herd mentality. Another part of me, I think it is not so bad after all. At least it is way better than the pub/lounge trend with the alcohol it involves. Just like Friends in which they were always hanging out in a café, is better than its successor, How I Met Your Mother, in which a pub is featured heavily. And guess what, coffee also gave birth to the Enlightenment in Europe, says CGP Grey. In the scientific world, coffee has an important role. As I am in that world too, I know it very well. People are joking about how engineers and programmers turn coffee into scientific papers and thousands lines of code. Jokes are good only when there is some truth behind them.

      

Surprisingly Developed Cloververse

About Batman vs Superman, I have heard many bad reviews. But the point is, I know my expectation is too high for this movie and no way the movie is gonna exceed that. I always love Justice League and I love the storyline where Lex Luther becomes the president and controls the government and people of Earth against Justice League. I would love to have that story play out on the big screen. Of course that is not going to happen anytime soon. And in the trailer, they showed the lame version of Doomsday! That is already reason enough for me to not see the movie. 

So instead of watching a certain disappointment, I chose to watch 10 Cloverfield Lane during the lazy Easter Sunday morning. Yet again, I had watched some reviews before going into it. I knew it was going to good, so my expectation was also high. The difference from Batman vs Superman is the trailer of 10 Cloverfield Lane doesn't show much, and that is excellent. This movie is all on the unknown factor. If the storyline is shown even just a little bit in the trailer, it would have entirely deflated the intriguing tension of the movie. I am just glad it is not the case. I am not doing a review of this movie here. First I think it is difficult to do it without spoilers; second, there are many spoiler-free reviews out there and they already say most of the things that could have been said. In short, I love it, a lot.  

Like the Cloverfield, it leaves many question unanswered. I watched a bunch of interviews and fan theories after the movie. I am surprised by how developed the Cloverfield universe is, or one might call it as Cloververse. I just discover what is ARG (alternate reality game) and in fact there is an ARG for Cloverfield. There is actually so much happening behind the screen, so much that is not shown in both the movies. After reading all the backstory, it is seriously interesting. However be warned, it doesn't show the plotline of 10 Cloverfield Lane, but it would spoil the nature of a certain character in the movie. So the watching order should be : Cloverfield, 10 Cloverfield Lane, and then the ARG timeline.     

Things about the director, Dan Trachtenberg, too are interesting, like this movie is actually his directorial debut. And he also directed a well-made short film that happened in the Portal universe. 

Ho Yan Hor fanatic

What to do in Ipoh? Visit some caves and temples, jungle trekking, walk around Ipoh oldtown, eat beansprouts chicken (芽菜雞), enjoy dim sum (點心) in the dim sum street, etc..  Who would have thought of visiting a tea museum. It is the newly opened Ho Yan Hor (何人可) herbal tea museum, a made-in-Malaysia tea that even Malaysians nowadays rarely know. It is the tea I deeply attached to, so attached that at one point it became almost an addiction and I couldn't live through a day without a taste of it.

My family and I were heading down to KL. We thought it would be a good idea to stop by in Ipoh to catch the last plates of dim sum eventhough it was almost noon already. Just as predicted, we were too late and our main target, liu sha bao (流沙包), was already sold out. Choices left weren't many, yet the quality was still way better than what we could get in Penang. After that, we had a walk at the famous, or should I say the infamous Concubine Street. And then fairly abruptly, at the end of the street, here appeared the three magical words : Ho Yan Hor.

Owh my god! It is Ho Yan Hor!

Magical was an understatement. It seriously felt like the reality was becoming more real than ever. A sudden jump from 8mm to IMAX, I was going to explode if I withheld my joy any further. It was a tea whose taste I knew so well but never bothered to search for its origin. And now it just presented itself to me, in a serendipitous fashion. It was as if I was an ancient Egyptian relying on the Nile for my whole life and finally I was standing in front of Lake Victoria, the life source of the entire civilization.

My history with Ho Yan Hor may be way earlier than I know but the addiction had started when I was in the NS (National Service) camp. Due to constant sun exposure and Malay spicy food, my body was always Yang or "heatiness" overload. Ho Yan Hor helped me to balance out this effect. Soon enough, I got so used to the taste to a point that some sort of placebo phenomenon kicking in, making me feel uncomfortable if I didn't drink Ho Yan Hor for a long time. That is why I call it an addiction. Only recently that I stop that habit because I feel I need to stop it. I believe any addiction is bad eventhough the tea means no harm if consumed frequently.

So back to the museum. Of course we took a tour inside. It was the place where Ho Kai Cheong (何繼昌) first came out with the recipe of Ho Yan Hor. The museum was relatively small and still new, not exactly a touristic place yet. The staff was super nice and spoke fluent English as well. I loved everything in the museum because everything was nostalgic. I was like a child in the Charlie's chocolate factory, asking my mom to take photo of me with this and that and everything.

Every time I go back to Malaysia, the only thing I always bring back to France with me is Ho Yan Hor. I can live without laksa or char kuey teow or nasi lemak but I can't live without Ho Yan Hor, or at least a taste of it from time to time. Huo Yuan Jia (霍元甲) said : appreaciating tea depends on your state of mind. Ho Yan Hor is my favorite because of the memories it brings along. It is the irreplaceable taste that binds me to my root and brings my mind back to home.

Ho Yan Hor packaging designs through the years  

Ho Kai Cheong's statue

sitting at where he used to sit

the painting at the entrance of the museum 

an old Ho Yan Hor poster

an antique cupboard

an antique kitchen

a tourist